5/29/09

Why is this so hard?

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

  1. Good: I've gone through a lot of stuff, made several truckloads of stuff to the dump, given a lot of stuff away that I hope will be appreciated by others, and found some letters and mementos that made me smile.
  2. Bad: While pulling everything out in the open to sort, we were pummeled by rain and hail storms the last few days. Some books and things I value and have carried and sheltered for years got wet. I haven't had the heart to find out to what extent. Also, I gave away some things that I regret; all my artist and architect materials. Gone.
  3. Ugly: Encountering images of myself in boxes and piles of papers. Me in broken relationships. Me in faltering careers. Me in a lost and lonely universe. Is it resolution I lack? I have a tendency to avoid unpleasant things. I turn my head and look for distractions instead of the gentle accommodation of inevitable change. As a result, the things I can't face sit there in a box and wait.
I resolve to resolve more. Just to take some time to say to myself, that part of my life is over. It's okay. It's okay.

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