my wound

this house is my wound
shame blocks the sharing of it
no one
can truly see it
i can't even bear
to take it's true measure
of my debasement
so, i deflect with typical banter
of minor struggles
and hope for fraternal sympathy
while it sits there and waits
night after night, dark and cold,
waiting for me to do something
while i cover my ears
avoiding at all costs
the cries
of skeletons in the cupboard

Some Final Thoughts - Electric Upgrade

Got some lights working! Wired some myself! Now I go shopping for sconces, etc. to finish up. I learned some things (you can buy a simple wall switch for 69 cents - made in the USA). Discovered I kinda like working with wire. Almost electrocuted myself when I stuck a probe into a switch - the wrong way. Got my hands dirty. (It's interesting to thrust your bare arm into a newly drilled hole in the ceiling and grope around, not knowing what your fingers will discover.) Radically increased the usability of my hovel (I can now see where the mouse turds are). Forced to make decisions that will effect how I live and are largely irreversible.

Other random thoughts:

• While electricity is probably the #1 innovation in housing over the long haul, little has changed in the last 100 years. It's ridiculous that we still roam from room to room flipping little switches on the wall to channel electrons to turn lumens on/off. I'm going to replace all those switches with a more advanced system that allows for dimming at various stages, in different rooms, with the touch of a button (probably will pay for itself).
  
• The way we organize our housing solutions are pathetic. All those layers of wood, hand carried, hand cut, hand fastened and rotting away out of sight. Many more people could own their own homes if we just made housing in factories and delivered them in pieces.
• Straight walls and floors are a Western conceit
• All those doors everywhere - in hallways, bedrooms, bathrooms, storage spaces, kitchen cabinets - are a reflection of our uptight, sexually repressed, self-loathing, militaristic nature. (More on this in a future post.)
  

Kitchen Electric Upgrade, Part 2, (Phase 1)

In order to finish the wiring job, we had to get under the house to run the new wiring to the panel. Looked around and discovered no easy way to get under. This surprised me. Although I've never been under there, I thought I'd be able to when necessary. Nope.

We ended up having to drill a 2 SF hole in my kitchen floor!



I was shocked that there were no fewer than 5 layers of wood comprising the floor (it'll be hidden under cabinets). On the positive side, that hole will also allow for access when it's time for the great plumbing upgrade. Oh how I'm looking forward to that!

Yesterday, I finished putting the last of the 4 new lighting cans in the ceiling. It was a struggle (remember, we're talking non-standard construction here), but it's done. Two of them are switched up and working. Hope to wire a switch up to the other two today. These switches are all temporary. I want (depending on the price) to install some automated switches you can turn on and off and dim from a distance.

This electrical upgrade is just about done, thanks to Mike Hulbert. Before I cover it all up with sheetrock, I need to look into plumbing issues that might effect this wall.

Kitchen Electric Upgrade, Part 1

The most significant work needs to happen in my kitchen. I need electrical and plumbing upgrades. A friend from my days as an FRC student came up to help me with phase 1 of a very much needed upgrade. This phase:

1. remove old wiring in the kitchen - 110 and 220
2. rewire / add wiring to accommodate electric range, new receptacles and lights

Next phase:

1. upgrade panel to 200 amp service (scheduled for Spring/Summer 2010)

I started by demolishing part of a wall in the kitchen before Mike arrived to expose the existing baffling wire job:

What Happened?

Earlier this Summer, things were moving along nicely. I went through almost everything I own, tossed a bunch, organized most of the rest, transformed my shack into an orderly place to store my belongings and tools, and was about to get some help on some substantial work.

Then, stuff happened. A friend who had agreed to help me put a foundation under the "bad" part of the house, decided to make a life change and just couldn't free anytime for me. I knew I couldn't do this on my own, so I decided to be flexible and focus on the the rest of the house. But, I felt deflated. I went to music camp for about 10 days. This interrupted my flow. Then I got sick. Swine Flu, pneumonia, and poison oak - at the same time. Not good.

By the time I was ready to start again, I was totally out of the groove. Going back to the house, I was getting the same overwhelming resistance I have endured for years. Now it's the end of October and the place is a wreck.
What can I say? I can't think of anything else I've gone through in my life that just ... defeats me like this.

I surmise that part of the problem is this: the house is not just a house. It's a metaphor for much bigger things. So, working on this thing is about confronting my entire existence? Can't seem to compartmentalize (is this a word?) here.

One thing for sure. I'm not giving up. Must keep going ...

Reality Bites

I am forced to make a small change in my program. I'm moving my move-in date from Nov.1 2009 to Nov. 1 2010. Like I said. A small change.

Why?

To be succinct, too much to do, not enough resources.

On the positive side, just finishing up some major electrical work courtesy of my friend Mike Hulbert. Photos coming ...

The State of My Estate

Catatonic.

Help From Friends

Before

I have had an ongoing problem with my front door. It's the result of poor design. The roof slopes over the entrance which means all precipitation including snow ends up dumping right in front of the door. I asked a carpenter friend to help out by coming up with a simple solution to extend the overhang to 3 feet in front of the entrance door. He did. It works. Couldn't have done it myself.

After

It took the 3 of us about 7 hours from start to finish. I will need to paint and touch up but that won't happen until after the siding goes up. Cost: about $600.00

What Not To Do

Some time ago, I worked with a friend to lay some tile on my small bathroom floor. It turned out great! Made a big difference. The next day we walked into the bathroom to inspect the finished product. To my horror, it all cracked! Turns out the floor was slightly spongy - not enough to really notice. You can't do that with tile. The floor has to be absolutely rigid. (Makes sense after the fact.) I didn't know. I was catatonic. We had to pull it all out, add support to the floor and relay the tile. I tried to organize the tile to put it back in the original order. Glue got on top of most of the tiles. Not sure how I'm going to get it off. At least its solid now.

I'm now resigned to the idea that I may have to do everything twice. It's painful to think of having to tear down something I just built, but that may be the price I have to pay.

Moving Forward

Completed a milestone today! I finished turning my shack into a decent, orderly place to store my stuff. In order to get here I had to clean it out first, which means I had to go through practically everything I own. That was hard. Then I started building shelves. Got better at that as I went along. Then I had to start packing it again in order to make room in the house to start the real construction.

Tomorrow I should finish up packing it. Got to cram it as efficiently as possible. Then I'll go on to start working on the house.